And the reviews are in…the Real L Word, is a lie!

Just when I thought I was over the heartbreak of losing my friends from Showtimes The L Word, I caught wind of The Real L Word. I watched in anticipation last night only to be let down. As a lesbian, let me set this all straight for you. Real Lesbians do not look, act or talk like that which you may see on The Real L Word…

Straight men, I hate to disappoint you.

I’ve been to LA. Hell, my partner is a true blue LA bred lesbian. She is not depicted in The Real L Word. Granted, some LA lesbians do look like the lesbians on Showtime. Some LA lesbians have super glamorous lives. I happen to know one of the top 10 lesbians in the United States (yes, there really is such a list) and trust me, I LOVE the fact that I know one. She leads a high-profile life, red carpet, A list, I’d kill to look at her cell phone directory, life. But for fun she takes her closeted lesbian lover to B&B’s and plays board games all weekend. Or invites us all over to play Wii.

I imagine the casting call for The Real L Word looked something like this:

“Wanted. Beautiful, well dressed, glamorous, sex crazed lesbians or women willing to portray a lesbian.”

To the shows credit, I am sure that the editing room has had its way with the show. I am sure that the first two hours of conversation at the backyard BBQ at Whitney’s house went more like this:

Fat ex girlfriend: “So, did you watch Oprah last week? She had hoarders on….creapy!”

Whitney: “Yeah, I caught the last half of it.”

Etc. etc…

and then after the alcohol started flowing they talk about sex. Because I have never been to a lesbian function where people immediately talk about sex. Oh, and the opening of the show where they interview each cast member and they “candidly” talk about their first experience with a woman…NEVER does it go down like that. I have never heard a group of women use the F word so much in my life. In fact, the show should be renamed to “The Real F Word”.

What upsets me the most is that producers clearly do not think the general public wants to see “Real Lesbians”. Because if they did they would show women doing more of these things:

Young Lesbians: Meeting at a bar. Awkwardly talking to and hitting on each other. Maybe having some bathroom sex, but more likely having awkward but hot futon sex. Waking up, and moving in with the girl two days later.

30 Something Lesbians: Meeting through friends or work. Having dinner, hooking up…and two weeks later moving in together. Buying a house, having kids.

40 something Lesbians: Already partnered for years…some living together as “roommates”

Again, to recap….

Showtimes “The Real L Word” = Real fake

I have a real LA Lesbian and it’s nothing like the show.

I know an A list LA Lesbian and she’s not like the show.

BUT

As a lesbian, I kinda feel like I have to watch…

but, I’m really disappointed.

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Surviving staying home with a sick child…

Oh, No…I’m not writing this as a “how to” don’t even think that I have this figured out. No, this is just a post on me actually surviving today with a sick child. Carter came home from Childrens Hospital last night and was prescribed oral steriods, antibiotics and his usual albuterol for his nebulizer…let me tell you that a two year old on oral steriods AND albuterol is a recipe for HYPER…seriously he is like this little crack junkie. He is all jittery, shakey, cannot make a decision to save his life. There was quite a bit of toy throwing, truck and car crashing and redirecting. Did I mention redirecting?

We did puzzles, books, dancing, you name it. Aside from the disturbing hyperactivity (which he is normally very active but this was beyond control hyper and not characteristic of him) it was actually a really sweet day. I told a friend the other day that work life balance is really hard for me that in order to be a good mom I feel like I am a bad employee and vise versa. Yesterday at the hospital we had a handful of really sweet moments. We had lunch together and he sat next to me on a chair like such a big boy, both of us eating pizza and aside from it being in a hospital and severely sleep deprived (both of us) it was sweet and tender. It was time we do not get together that often, alone time. We used to go to Gymboree every saturday when he was the only child and then go get pizza in the mall afterwards, I would then walk around the mall pushing him in the stroller until he fell asleep while I shopped.

I really wish there were a way I could work less and afford it. Not that I want to stay home with him all day everyday, I think day care is really important to his development (his and Zoes) but to have a day or two a week to go do mommy and me stuff would really do us both good I think. Ahh, in the perfect world maybe…for now I will savor the time I nurse my boy back to health and get in some extra mommy and Carter time.

My Kids Melt Me…

Zoe's 1st cake! & Our First Glimpse of Zoe

Our first glimpse at Zoe

Zoe's 1st cake!

Yesterday my little girl turned 1! I now have two 1 year olds (that is until Carter turns 2 in two weeks). It’s weird when you look at it that way. I also realized the other day that I keep thinking of Zoe as much younger and smaller than she is…all of the sudden she is 1! I have not been doing things with her that I did when her brother was her age, and I think I figured out why. She was such a difficult baby, that until she was about 8 months old we never really knew who she was. Literally, nothing made her happy until we finally did a major diet switch with her GFSFCF (Gluten Free, Soy Free, Casein Free) that changed her over to a happy child within 24 hours. If you would have asked me what she liked, I could not have answered the question…asking me her strengths or positive attributes, I could have listed none, other than tenacity. So for me, Zoe kind of got stuck in infancy, because I really feel like I am now finally getting to know her.

She is beautiful. I know all mothers are biased, but this kid is stunning! She is strong willed, and will make a mean business woman someday. She loves to dance and sing (or more like scream). She loves her big brother and tries to emulate him. She is trying to walk and says “Mama” and “Dada” and when I say…”No no, we don’t have a dada” I swear she thinks its funny to mess with me and she then shakes her head and says “dada” and laughs!

Today one year ago we got the call that our little girl we were waiting for was born. Tomorrow marks one year ago that we drove to the hospital and plucked her from the nursery. She was so tiny and really looks nothing like she did then, now. Parts of me miss the baby days, especially with Carter who is becoming so independent (he now puts his own nebulizer mask on and turns on the machine, and sits and watches Caillou while he gets his treatment…when he feels no more is coming out he turns it off.).

I think I will feel even more nostalgic in a few weeks when it is Carters birthday. A friend asked me if the excitement feels the same with the second child and for me honestly, it didn’t feel the same…it felt different…I have to admit, Carter will always hold the key to my heart…not that I love Zoe less, just differently. I know my mom feels the same way about me:)

Last night we sang happy birthday and had cake with Carter and Zoe, just the four of us…it was small and sweet and for a moment it was just us in our own little world…they held hands, Carter sang sweetly…and they picked frosting off the cake. Hands stained blue from frosting, life couldn’t be better…

and I wish the conservatives had a peek into my window last night to see the sweetness, the normality…the completeness…

Doing our part…

We are doing our part as best we can to try to make life easier for other lesbian/gay couples out there fostering/adopting. We will next week be working with the company that is producing the training videos for the foster system here. They will be interviewing and filming us for the training series that sounds like it will be used through out the US…kinda cool yet I just realized that some people I know may actually end up watching this video which feels weird. But they are finally actually promoting Lesbians/Gays in their training and literature…

Stay Tuned…

because in 6 hours my partner and I will be adopting our son! I can't wait to post his picture here, I have been dying to brag about his adorableness for 20 months. Stay tuned!

And So It Shall Be…

The Honorable Judge smiled down on us today and did something that has NEVER been done in our county before…she agreed to grant two, single women the right to adopt the same child. The laws were finally read and interpreted the way they should be and next week wednesday we will, after 20 months of waiting, finally be able to adopt the boy who has always been our son…officially. He has been OUR son since he was placed with us at two days old. But to finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he will forever be ours is a relief like no other. He has been TPR'd almost a year (July 25th will be a year), in the courts eyes an orphan. But never has he been without parents, at least not in our eyes and hearts. 

This is HUGE and will hopefully help other gay couples adopt in our area. All parties involved were going on and on about how HUGE this was today…and how the agency will likely re-evaluate how it handles adoption with gays. Likely, meaning they will be able to recruit more gays to foster/adopt.

After next week I will be even more relieved. One small step today! One giant leap! I just got word via Facebook that our sons adopted older sister (one year older than him) and her new family, whom we have developed a relationship with, will come to the adoption next week! How cool is that!?

Tomorrow Is A Big Day…

Tomorrow we have two court dates back to back. One is for our 9 month old daughter, it is a permanency hearing. A check in type of thing where everyone on the case says where they think the case should be going…it will most likely be that her perm plan is adoption, as it has been since the first day and should still be since bio mom and dad have done nothing to change…the second is right after that in another courtroom with another judge…it is for our 20 month son who is and has been TPR'd since last July…it is a status hearing…where some mighty big wigs are all coming together to help the judge decide if she will do something that has never been done before in our county…to decide if she will grant a dual adoption…I have to admit, I am a bit nervous, even if we do have a plan B…it won't be an adoption day, but rather a day where we will get a sneak peak at what the judge will do, if she will grant two petitions if we file two…or if she would do one. It is amazing the legal hoops we have had to jump through, how messed up the system is…how far we still have to go not just because of the foster system but because of how messed up, how unequal life still is for us as Lesbians…

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways…for instance, I don't care how you feel about Michael Jackson, when his daughter Paris spoke at his memorial you had to weep for her, for her loss…she loved her father and by all accounts, he was a good father. This is a little girl who lost her dad…Loss is something you have to deal with in adoption/foster care…your gain came by someone else's loss. The other thing that has changed within me is that my eyes have been opened to african american children…not just to children but to the culture but more so to the children…it's odd but I SEE african american children before I see any other child…I am drawn to them, I think they are cuter…in a way I want them all…I live in an area that is right on the cusp of the inner city…literally a park divides my world from a very different world. And I want to help all the children, I want to feed them and clothe them and bathe them and most importantly love them. My children have a story, like many who are from the foster system…they were lucky enough to not ever have to live in the household they were conceived in…I wonder about the things they heard while in the womb…the poor nourishment they were given…but they have siblings who were not so lucky, yet without what they went through my children may never have been taken from the home…so many double edged swords. I think a lot A LOT about my children's stories…and how many other children have a similar if not worse story and it hurts. I have a lot of time to figure out the best way to tell my children their stories when they are old enough to ask for and handle it…but I cannot help but wonder how you do such a thing…

I digress…I am just caught up in a thought bubble today…of how much we have endured and gone through for these two deserving children in the short amount of time we have had them…and how little their birthparents have done…back to the double edged sword…I am thankful they have not, as I have been blessed with these wonderful children. In all of my dreams I never EVER imagined how much I would LOVE these children…how little it matters, NO how it matters NOT AT ALL,that they did not come from me…but rather, they came to me…I would do anything for them…

But right now, I am just asking to adopt them…plain and simple…I want to be legally responsible for them for the rest of their lives…please make it so…