Hey Where’d this Black Kid Come From?

Hey kid! What'd ya never see a black kid before?

There is this thing I have been noticing. I cannot help but observe behaviors, it’s what I do. Usually it is in dogs but I have found this weird parallel between dogs and kids…anyway…so far this is not one of those times…

Where we live it is a pretty mixed neighborhood. Our block has many children, all white but the block to the south of is has many black children. And my children go to a day care at a very mixed race college so 50% of their friends at school are black. But I notice that many of the places we frequent do not have many black kids. And I notice this thing go on and can’t tell if it is a black thing or not.

Let me describe:

There is an indoor kids playground we go to that we call the BBY. It is in the burbs and usually we have the only two black kids, sometimes there is one other black kid. But there were some kids playing in a playhouse, about 3 of them, Carter walked in and they stopped and just stared at him. Now, I don’t know if they all knew each other and they were looking at him, like “Hey, who is this kid? We don’t know him.” or if they were stopped dead in their tracks because he is black.

I have noticed it many times, just cannot recall them all right now.

Then there was our Day out With Thomas up in Green Bay, WI. Hardly any other black children were there and when I got to my computer to look at the pictures from the day I spotted the “look” I am talking about.

What do you think? Is that just a look kids give each other or is that a, “Hey, where’d this black kid come from? look?


And the reviews are in…the Real L Word, is a lie!

Just when I thought I was over the heartbreak of losing my friends from Showtimes The L Word, I caught wind of The Real L Word. I watched in anticipation last night only to be let down. As a lesbian, let me set this all straight for you. Real Lesbians do not look, act or talk like that which you may see on The Real L Word…

Straight men, I hate to disappoint you.

I’ve been to LA. Hell, my partner is a true blue LA bred lesbian. She is not depicted in The Real L Word. Granted, some LA lesbians do look like the lesbians on Showtime. Some LA lesbians have super glamorous lives. I happen to know one of the top 10 lesbians in the United States (yes, there really is such a list) and trust me, I LOVE the fact that I know one. She leads a high-profile life, red carpet, A list, I’d kill to look at her cell phone directory, life. But for fun she takes her closeted lesbian lover to B&B’s and plays board games all weekend. Or invites us all over to play Wii.

I imagine the casting call for The Real L Word looked something like this:

“Wanted. Beautiful, well dressed, glamorous, sex crazed lesbians or women willing to portray a lesbian.”

To the shows credit, I am sure that the editing room has had its way with the show. I am sure that the first two hours of conversation at the backyard BBQ at Whitney’s house went more like this:

Fat ex girlfriend: “So, did you watch Oprah last week? She had hoarders on….creapy!”

Whitney: “Yeah, I caught the last half of it.”

Etc. etc…

and then after the alcohol started flowing they talk about sex. Because I have never been to a lesbian function where people immediately talk about sex. Oh, and the opening of the show where they interview each cast member and they “candidly” talk about their first experience with a woman…NEVER does it go down like that. I have never heard a group of women use the F word so much in my life. In fact, the show should be renamed to “The Real F Word”.

What upsets me the most is that producers clearly do not think the general public wants to see “Real Lesbians”. Because if they did they would show women doing more of these things:

Young Lesbians: Meeting at a bar. Awkwardly talking to and hitting on each other. Maybe having some bathroom sex, but more likely having awkward but hot futon sex. Waking up, and moving in with the girl two days later.

30 Something Lesbians: Meeting through friends or work. Having dinner, hooking up…and two weeks later moving in together. Buying a house, having kids.

40 something Lesbians: Already partnered for years…some living together as “roommates”

Again, to recap….

Showtimes “The Real L Word” = Real fake

I have a real LA Lesbian and it’s nothing like the show.

I know an A list LA Lesbian and she’s not like the show.


As a lesbian, I kinda feel like I have to watch…

but, I’m really disappointed.

Two Years Ago Today

While I was in the Mac Store, two years ago today, I was being called repeatedly by my partner Staci. When I got to my car and checked my phone I had all these voicemails from Staci, frantically wanting me to call her. It turned out they had a baby boy for us who was born on the 21st and could go home on the 23rd, blah blah bah did we want him? I said, say no more, call them back and tell them we want him. We rushed to Tar*get to get the last minute supplies, age appropriate and sex appropriate things. The next day, at 11:00 am a car pulled up and like a pizza delivery we got our son…there was 10 minutes of paperwork and then she was gone…and we stood white in the face, holding our son…wow! The minute I held him I loved him…two years later he is a big boy 2 year old and officially adopted by us.

He is adored and amazing.

My Kids Melt Me…

Zoe's 1st cake! & Our First Glimpse of Zoe

Our first glimpse at Zoe

Zoe's 1st cake!

Yesterday my little girl turned 1! I now have two 1 year olds (that is until Carter turns 2 in two weeks). It’s weird when you look at it that way. I also realized the other day that I keep thinking of Zoe as much younger and smaller than she is…all of the sudden she is 1! I have not been doing things with her that I did when her brother was her age, and I think I figured out why. She was such a difficult baby, that until she was about 8 months old we never really knew who she was. Literally, nothing made her happy until we finally did a major diet switch with her GFSFCF (Gluten Free, Soy Free, Casein Free) that changed her over to a happy child within 24 hours. If you would have asked me what she liked, I could not have answered the question…asking me her strengths or positive attributes, I could have listed none, other than tenacity. So for me, Zoe kind of got stuck in infancy, because I really feel like I am now finally getting to know her.

She is beautiful. I know all mothers are biased, but this kid is stunning! She is strong willed, and will make a mean business woman someday. She loves to dance and sing (or more like scream). She loves her big brother and tries to emulate him. She is trying to walk and says “Mama” and “Dada” and when I say…”No no, we don’t have a dada” I swear she thinks its funny to mess with me and she then shakes her head and says “dada” and laughs!

Today one year ago we got the call that our little girl we were waiting for was born. Tomorrow marks one year ago that we drove to the hospital and plucked her from the nursery. She was so tiny and really looks nothing like she did then, now. Parts of me miss the baby days, especially with Carter who is becoming so independent (he now puts his own nebulizer mask on and turns on the machine, and sits and watches Caillou while he gets his treatment…when he feels no more is coming out he turns it off.).

I think I will feel even more nostalgic in a few weeks when it is Carters birthday. A friend asked me if the excitement feels the same with the second child and for me honestly, it didn’t feel the same…it felt different…I have to admit, Carter will always hold the key to my heart…not that I love Zoe less, just differently. I know my mom feels the same way about me:)

Last night we sang happy birthday and had cake with Carter and Zoe, just the four of us…it was small and sweet and for a moment it was just us in our own little world…they held hands, Carter sang sweetly…and they picked frosting off the cake. Hands stained blue from frosting, life couldn’t be better…

and I wish the conservatives had a peek into my window last night to see the sweetness, the normality…the completeness…

New Developments

We have a few new things going on around here…
1. We have been playing around with the potty training (potty learning) thing around here, because Carter poos on the potty almost every night. We needed some training hours for our foster license so we attended a Potty Training seminar today and got some more great tips. So today after school we let Carter wear big boy chonies for a few hours before bed. Nothing is cuter than a little toddler running around in chonies. I love it. He thinks it’s pretty cool. Yes, we had a pee on the floor accident, but that is part of the learning.
2. Carter is now at the stage where he is very aware of owies. He is so aware that even a scar is an owie. He is so aware that there are multiple bandaids and kissing of the owies involved. I cannot for the life of me find Thomas the Train bandaids…anyone?
3. We went to the court house and filed for our lame Domestic Partnership today. I say lame because it is no where near equal and I am so bitter that everyone thinks I should be grateful that we at least get “something”…seriously? I was just shocked that a hetero couple needs to do to get “married” is pay $100 and fill out a one page form…in the 5 minutes we were there, 5 couples (hetero) got married. They didn’t even really look like they liked each other. I was like, “uhhh, that’s it? These people are married?” And to top it off, when we got there the clerk was laughing her ass off..why? Because a woman who got married there yesterday had just called wondering how she could get out of the marriage because it “Just wasn’t working out.” Less than 24 hours later. I said, “Can’t they get an annulment?” To which the woman said, “That’s what everyone thinks but you cannot get an annulment unless there was fraud involved.” I digress…our form was 3 pages, we paid $100 and we get 43 rights/benefits…
4. Saturday we have tickets to Joshua Radin (my new fave) in Madison and we have secured Carter & Zoe’s older sisters parents to babysit saturday (she is their full sibling and we are good friends now with her adoptive family and see them once a month at least)…this is going to be a sleepover…their first…and with their sister. How cute is that? I love seeing all three of them together. They are saints for taking our two for a total of three…very brave..

Doing our part…

We are doing our part as best we can to try to make life easier for other lesbian/gay couples out there fostering/adopting. We will next week be working with the company that is producing the training videos for the foster system here. They will be interviewing and filming us for the training series that sounds like it will be used through out the US…kinda cool yet I just realized that some people I know may actually end up watching this video which feels weird. But they are finally actually promoting Lesbians/Gays in their training and literature…

Stay Tuned…

because in 6 hours my partner and I will be adopting our son! I can't wait to post his picture here, I have been dying to brag about his adorableness for 20 months. Stay tuned!