Imaginary Conversations with Birth Mom Today…and Biological vs Civil Right to Parent

Z was supposed to have a visit with birth mom today. And we had a scheduled CST meeting. I knew there was no way mom would make it to both meetings. Because, well, when you are jobless and have NOTHING to do all day it is really hard to make it across town in an hour and a half…

yeah, that’s sarcasm

Once I knew she did not make her court appointed visit (second week in a row. Last week she cancelled because it was “too cold”. For who? This is Wisconsin. You mean you get the option of opting out of “parenting” when it is cold?) I started having all these conversations in my head about what I would say to her if she was at the CST meeting or if she came late which is usually what she does.

My big conversation would have been like this, (after she walks in her usual 30 minutes to hour late):

“I’m sorry, but in the world I live in, the real world we need to be places on time. The world does not wait for us to arrive. If you have a sick kid and a Doctors appointment at 3:00pm and you show up at 3:20, guess what? You no longer have an appointment…and your sick kid does not get seen. I know it’s hard for you, being responsible for just yourself and all. YOUR only responsibilities are to:

  1. Wake up on time
  2. Participate in some type of hygiene
  3. Get to your appointment on time

My responsibilities include:

  1. Waking up on time
  2. showering, brushing teeth, getting dressed
  3. getting my children milk
  4. getting children changed and dressed
  5. getting children fed
  6. letting dogs out
  7. feeding dogs
  8. getting kids out the door and to day care
  9. working a full time job
  10. dragging my ass to the ghetto to go to a CST meeting that YOU arrive late to!

Yeah, I was bitter today. I was not in a good place. I get so wound up over this, I want to be done with this. Two years with this family and I have about had it. Granted I have had the opportunity to learn a lot about them so I can tell the kids quite a bit about the people who brought them to us…even some good things.

My whole tirade brought me to a philosophy that will cause me to now piss off a lot of readers (if I even have a lot of readers)…

Light bulb moment….Having children is a biological right NOT a Civil Right…this is my new opinion…hear me out…

We require people to get a license to operate a car. We make them prove they can financially purchase the car (if you get a loan etc.). We make them have insurance before they can drive. We make them prove in a written test and by physically operating a car that they can adequately drive a car safely. We make them learn the rules of the road. And if you are medically unsound, you cannot operate a car.

All because a car can be considered a “deadly weapon”, something that could cause someone else great bodily harm.

BUT there is NO test, no license to prove you can parent.

WHY NOT?

Why do we wait until something BAD happens for ‘ services to step in? What IF, instead of Home Economics in high school, you had to take a few serious parenting classes. And I’m not talking, the “keep your egg alive” crap here. That you had to get a license to parent. And if you did not, BAM children’s services takes your kid at birth.

Thats what I call early intervention. Because I am really sick of the state fighting for ‘parents’ civil rights to their kids. Because really, they likely never were a ‘parent’ to begin with. And I think once we got all convoluted in our thinking that just because our bodies CAN reproduce (our biological right) that we should fight to protect the parents rights before we fight to protect the childs rights.

DO YOU HAVE ANY idea how expensive it is for a state to go through the ‘ services route with a family? The number of professionals, lawyers, specialists, assistance that is provided? Do you know how long kids are left in limbo?

I know, I know, people are going to get all “But we need to be careful because the state could just come in and take our kids from us. There is nothing to stop them from making us a victim…blah blah big brother,blah blah.”

Bullshit! Children’s services does not take children for no reason. They do not have the money to do what they do now…they don’t work on commission, “Hey, Betty…how many babies did you detain today? ‘Seven!’ Wow, you totally are going to get the big bonus this month!” They are under paid, highly stressed people. Who want nothing less than to enter someones house and detain their “child”.

And I  am grateful to the birth mother of my kids, because out of her loss I gained. That whole paradox is still hard to grasp. But I think there are a whole lot of children who would be better off if we all had to be licensed like I do.

I have a license in my file cabinet that proves that my house is warm and safe. That I have utilities, running water, heat. That I have a refrigerator and food in it. That I have safe cribs for my kids to sleep in. That I have smoke detectors in every bedroom and on every floor of my house. That my closets and basements and garage have been inspected (every month for two years) to make sure I do not have exotic pets or torture devices in them. That I am emotionally, physically and financially able to provide. That I have insurance on my car. That I have health insurance for myself and my children. That my pets are all current on their rabies vaccinations. That I have a fire extinguisher. That I have emergency numbers posted. That I have locking bathroom doors. That I have bedrooms at least 8×8 wide for the children to sleep in. That I have a planned and mapped evacuation route for our house.

And I am not complaining…because really? Shouldn’t we ALL? You mean providing the above type of home is not on everyone’s list of “must do” or “must have”?

Driving a car is a privilege not a right.

Being a parent should be the same way!

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One Response

  1. I have to say I agree with you on this. I have, in the past, uttered this opinion myself and even taken it a step further to include contraception for those deemed “not fit”.

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