Tomorrow Is A Big Day…

Tomorrow we have two court dates back to back. One is for our 9 month old daughter, it is a permanency hearing. A check in type of thing where everyone on the case says where they think the case should be going…it will most likely be that her perm plan is adoption, as it has been since the first day and should still be since bio mom and dad have done nothing to change…the second is right after that in another courtroom with another judge…it is for our 20 month son who is and has been TPR'd since last July…it is a status hearing…where some mighty big wigs are all coming together to help the judge decide if she will do something that has never been done before in our county…to decide if she will grant a dual adoption…I have to admit, I am a bit nervous, even if we do have a plan B…it won't be an adoption day, but rather a day where we will get a sneak peak at what the judge will do, if she will grant two petitions if we file two…or if she would do one. It is amazing the legal hoops we have had to jump through, how messed up the system is…how far we still have to go not just because of the foster system but because of how messed up, how unequal life still is for us as Lesbians…

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways…for instance, I don't care how you feel about Michael Jackson, when his daughter Paris spoke at his memorial you had to weep for her, for her loss…she loved her father and by all accounts, he was a good father. This is a little girl who lost her dad…Loss is something you have to deal with in adoption/foster care…your gain came by someone else's loss. The other thing that has changed within me is that my eyes have been opened to african american children…not just to children but to the culture but more so to the children…it's odd but I SEE african american children before I see any other child…I am drawn to them, I think they are cuter…in a way I want them all…I live in an area that is right on the cusp of the inner city…literally a park divides my world from a very different world. And I want to help all the children, I want to feed them and clothe them and bathe them and most importantly love them. My children have a story, like many who are from the foster system…they were lucky enough to not ever have to live in the household they were conceived in…I wonder about the things they heard while in the womb…the poor nourishment they were given…but they have siblings who were not so lucky, yet without what they went through my children may never have been taken from the home…so many double edged swords. I think a lot A LOT about my children's stories…and how many other children have a similar if not worse story and it hurts. I have a lot of time to figure out the best way to tell my children their stories when they are old enough to ask for and handle it…but I cannot help but wonder how you do such a thing…

I digress…I am just caught up in a thought bubble today…of how much we have endured and gone through for these two deserving children in the short amount of time we have had them…and how little their birthparents have done…back to the double edged sword…I am thankful they have not, as I have been blessed with these wonderful children. In all of my dreams I never EVER imagined how much I would LOVE these children…how little it matters, NO how it matters NOT AT ALL,that they did not come from me…but rather, they came to me…I would do anything for them…

But right now, I am just asking to adopt them…plain and simple…I want to be legally responsible for them for the rest of their lives…please make it so…

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4 Responses

  1. Hello. I found your page through Me and She. I just wanted to say good luck to you. Those children deserve to have a forever family and you deserve to have those children in your life. I can’t wait to read more. I hope all goes well.

  2. Hi Anne! Good luck today. We’re thinking of you in Oshkosh. (This is Amy, Casey’s friend)

  3. Hi! As new foster parents with our first foster baby (brought to us at 2 days), I am understanding more and more where you are coming from. I love our little girl as much as I loved my own children. We do not know what is going to happen with her yet, but we think she’ll end up going to a family member. Good luck with your little ones!

  4. Jill, the foster to adopt track is not for the faint of heart is it? The systems are so messed up too, very confusing and some days you feel like you have no idea where things are headed…we live in fear that our second (Carters bio sister) who is 9 mos old and has been with us since 2 days old as well, will go to some distant family member. Here’s wishing us all good luck!

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